S: You’ve stuffed up big time. Your dreams have been crushed and there’s nothing you can do about it. What a disappointment you must be to the Father. You are such a horrible fake of a Christian. You deserve to carry this burden for the rest of your life. You’ll never be free from it. You are not worthy of His love. How could anyone love you ever again?
A: Yes, I’ve stuffed up. Yes, my dreams may have been crushed and there is nothing I can do about it. BUT, my Father can and has already done something about it. In His mercy and love, He sent His Son to take all my stuff ups and replaced them with His perfections. I am made righteous by Christ. When my Father sees me, He doesn’t see my stuff ups- He sees the blood that has washed me white as snow. I WILL boast of my mistakes and weaknesses because it highlights the goodness and grace of my Father. Christ set me free when He traded places with me and took the penalty on my behalf. He shouted, ‘Abba Father, why have you forsaken me?’ so that I could shout, ‘Abba Father, why have you so blessed and loved me?’ I was never worthy in the first place and He loves me in spite of it all because He is the Great Author of Love.
And there is nothing that you can do to convince me otherwise. There is no more record of my sin, you cannot condemn me anymore. I am made whole through His suffering. He will give me new dreams as I’ve laid my burdens at the cross. So stop lying to me. Go away, leave me alone. This is the last time we are going to have this conversation.
I’m not going to pretend that nothing happened – that’s just living in denial.
I’m not just going to avoid it – that’s just running away.
I’ve realised that the S dude had the upper hand all this time because I had not dealt with my mistakes properly. I gave him a foothold in my life so he kept poking me where it hurts and toying with my mind ’til I could not stand it any longer.
I feel like this is a mental battle that I’ll have to keep fighting but I’m more equipped now – correction: I was always equipped but I just kept forgetting I could hit back :D. I know he’ll try to trick me again into believing his lies but hopefully, he’ll realise that it won’t work anymore. The ending has already been decided and guess what? I win- because He is on my side. ‘Greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world.’
I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure
And His joy’s going to be my strength
Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning
I’m trading my sorrows.
I’m trading my shame.
I’m laying them down for the joy of the Lord.
– Trading My Sorrows, Darrell Evans