lethargic

Feeling a bit despondent, tired, lethargic – not sure if it’s from the aftermath of my first gym sesh in over a week, the rainy weather or if it’s something else.  Maybe it’s a combination of everything.

I don’t feel satisfied with the way I’m doing life at the moment.

I’m not being all I wanna be.  I feel like I’m living less than my calling.

I know what I’ll be doing in the short-term.

  • 2 more papers
  • 1 exam
  • overseas trip
  • starting a new job next year

 

It’s all the stuff in between that is unknown.  I don’t know what to do with my desire to see our church grow, to bring more people into the Kingdom.  I see a church that attracts people because they know their lives will be changed when they come.  I see a church that is impacting the community for Jesus.

Should I go to Bible College?  I wanna preach but I know I don’t have the time to adequately invest into preaching a good sermon.  I feel like I have all the tools but not the time… or maybe I do – but I’ll need to give up other things to do it… hmmm.

Lord, I just wanna do what you want me to do.  Open my eyes to see the path you want me to take.  I surrender it all to you.

I think I need a nap (sorry for the randomness).

– Ames –

keep charging on

It’s amazing how much growth and learning has happened in the last 4 weeks.  It was a challenge but I’m glad I (eventually) rose to the situation and it seems that everything worked out positively.  One down, two more to go… thankfully, one month before the next one though! Really need a proper do-nothing type holiday!

I am feeling the lack of sleep catch up to me now and the next two days aren’t looking particularly free for just rest time.  Such a busy time of the year!

Just have to keep charging on until Monday morning… then (another) haircut+fringe perm, blood donation, eye check, ice-skating, graduation snapping, some catch-ups in between, caroling, Christmas, New Years and then 2011 will be over!  I was just thinking over how much has happened this year and it’s been pretty epic.  Lots of changes but all for the better.  Hopefully will do a ‘wrap-up of 2011’ post aka ‘a time to count the blessings of 2011’. 

There’s so much to look forward to in 2012 too… so excited for it!

But for now, sleep before these massive 2 days…

♥ Ames

a snippet of convo 1

“Amy, you are one of the most positive people I know.  And I mean that completely as a compliment!”

“Awww, thank you.  Well, I think it has a bit to do with my general personality but I know that a lot of that comes from knowing that God loves me.  Knowing that no matter how I do in my assessments, or mistakes I make, He loves me no matter what.”

It’s funny how when we try sooooo hard, there are no results… and when we pray and then just relax in His grace, it flows out so naturally :).  Praise God!

♥ Ames

slipping through my fingers

Once again I am struck with the reality of how fast time flies.  It’s Monday again!  A week goes by so fast when you only have classes on 3 out of 5 weekdays.

Other thoughts… A friend I remember seeing just before her 6 week placement in China has already returned to Melbourne. We’re halfway through August already.  I’m more than halfway through my second degree.

For the first time in my life, I’ve had to sit down and contemplate what kind of career to pursue.  In many respects, the foundations are already there… it’ll probably be something in the legal field but then, there are so many options!  I have the general gist… some combination of employment law, public interest law, human rights law, pro bono law… anything that will bring me in contact with people and give me the opportunity to make a real difference in someone else’s life.  But even then, which firm?  Large, mid or small? Or maybe not a firm at all?

But then I think of some of the other things that I could do with my life.  My primary school dream was to grow up and be a teacher (mainly because my primary school teachers were just so awesome, I wanted to be just like them!).  I guess I’ve had a taste of it with teaching piano and swimming but it won’t be the same as having a classroom full of kids from 9am-3:30pm where you have the opportunity to mold the leaders of tomorrow! lol, that does sound a bit aspirational but I think a lot of who I am has been because of those amazing teachers I had from Prep – Grade 6.

Then there is full-time ministry.  I remember a speaker who came to my church (the old one) once and commented about how I would make a great youth pastor.  That’s stayed with me for the longest time and was confirmed at least twice since then… it would make it easier to lead into conversations about God when people ask me what my profession is haha.

And then there’s the music thing.  Well the singing thing, really.  I’d love to be able to devote some solid time to just sitting at the piano and convert my thoughts into songs and record them.

Of course there are the more immediate things like a possible missions trip in the summer… but what if I get a clerkship during that timeframe?  And thoughts about maybe applying for a leadership role in the law school in the new year…?  And when am I supposed to catch up with all these people I said I was going to catch up with???

There’s just too many things that I want to do and at times I feel like ‘time’ is just slipping through my fingers.

Argh, if I think about it anymore, I’m just gonna go around in circles lol.  God, I give it all over to You.  Please help me prioritise.  Give me Your wisdom so that I know when to do what, and what to do when.  Thank you that You know the way even if it all looks a bit fuzzy and hazy from my point of view.  I trust You with my future, with my life, with my everything.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

IJN, Amen and Good Night/Morning.

♥ Ames

entry 1

Eyes burning.  Voice hoarse (note to self: level 2 union house lunchtime noise levels are not helpful when trying to have meaningful conversations).  Neck cramping.  But article edited.

Sort of :P.

Still have to chase down a few items but I’ve done all I can for this week.  Passed it on to my co-student editor so she can start working on her part.  It was a good experience as always, finding out where certain reports and documents are kept in the library or online.

Life is chugging along, I’m keeping up to date with everything so far whilst balancing some new commitments with Universe.  I love those guys so much.  These are the like-minded individuals I’ve been searching for and I’m so glad to have found them (or for them to have found me OR for God to have brought us together hehe)!  I’m still astounded at how quickly things have fallen into place in the way that they have.  I’ll potentially have the privilege of leading some worship songs (for the first time in what feels like a long while) at our next main meeting.  It has only been 3 weeks since the start of semester but we’ve already seen so much fruit and God’s blessings have poured out to overflow.  Prayer has been the key to everything that has taken place and it has all gone way beyond our expectations.  God is faithful and good.

OK, I’m starting to see moving spots so I think that’s a sign for slumber lol.

Good night/morning!

♥ Ames

pointless train of thought

I feel like a bundle of nerves… whoever heard about being nervous about running!  *sigh* This type of energy has meant that today hasn’t been very productive at all :S.  So many cover letters to write and I’m not even sure if I want to end up working at these places… I know what sparks my interest, but ‘everyone’ says to just apply everywhere…. but, then I don’t want to end up working in an area that brings no joy to me.  God, please lead me and guide me.  On my own, I have no clear direction.  The future looks a bit cloudy but I guess, all I need to remember is that you know which path I’m to go and all I have to do is trust you with each step that I take.  *sigh*  Have to wake up at 6am… probably should just go to sleep.

Night, Ames

snippets about smiles :)

Keep your joy on display – “Preach everyday.  Use words only when necessary.” I’ve been told I smile a lot… I can’t help it.  “I’m too blessed to stay stressed” :P.

Don’t wait for the feelings to come, smile on purpose and let the feelings follow.

We are Christ’s ambassadors… we might as well represent Him with a smile :).

If we are going to be the light of the world, we gotta turn the switch on :).

So… SMILE!

♥ Ames