NFH: Family

Hey, love.

It’s been a while since I’ve written to you on this platform.  But tonight, I just felt like it.  I’ve spoken about the parents before and how awesome they are but tonight I wanted to tell you that your extended family is going to be pretty amazing too :).  I got the chance to just relax in their company on the weekend and I discovered something that I never noticed before: I come from a family of foodies!! Lol, I thought I was the only one but as we were talking about my uncle and aunt’s latest trip to Japan, the majority of the conversation was dominated about the places they went to eat and what they ate! hehe,  I hope you love food as much as I do!  It’ll have to be a prerequisite ;).

Anyhow, beside their love for food, the extended family is generous with their time and resources, we know how to have a good laugh together, there are plenty of kiddies to keep us entertained (and also babysit for us in the future – see, thinking ahead hehe) and most importantly, God is present.

Amidst the chatter and story-telling, I sat back and smiled.  I smiled as I looked forward to the day I’ll introduce you to them all and they can share in our happiness together.

It makes me smile even now :).

Good night, darling boy.

Love you already,

Ames.

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delirious with joy

Is it possible to be delirious with joy?

This past day I’ve had this giddy feeling and I seem to always feel a slight smile on my face, even in the midst of the dreary, stormy Melbourne weather.  It’s like being in love for the first time but this time, I’m not in love with the boy who will go on to break my heart, I’m in love with the Saviour who nursed me back into wholeness.  So perfectly too.  The beauty of His healing power is that it won’t even leave a scar once the process is complete (reminds me of how Daniel’s friends walked out of the fiery furnace without even the smell of smoke on their clothes).

For the FIRST TIME, in what has been a difficult 2+ years, the clouds that were hanging over my head have totally lifted and the forecast is clear, blue skies here on in :D.  Those clouds will never bother me again, praise Jesus!  I feel so detached from all that hurt and pain… I look back now and wonder, ‘Seriously?  Did that really all happen to me?’  It’s almost like it’s another girl’s story now but I still get to retain the benefits of the life lessons, the character-shaping and the experience of God’s grace in a new and personal way.  I get the better deal at the end of it all :).

God is so good.  He is so faithful.  Earlier this week, my BFF sent me a text with this quote, saying it reminded her of me:

God can heal a broken heart but first we need to give him all the pieces.

It’s true.  I can testify to this truth.  Why I held onto that last piece boggles my mind but I’m so glad I finally let go of my own shame and guilt.  Freedom is found in Christ, and Christ alone!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I think Romans 8:28 is fast becoming my life verse haha

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Oh Babe,

I can’t wait to see the amazing love story God has planned for us!  I guess He’s already working on it as I type this so in a way, we’re already living it… maybe we’re in the prologue right now haha

Anyway, I know it’s gonna be awesome – not because I’m building up a false hope about what courtship and marriage will look like, but because my hope is in the Author of Love and He is going to do a much better job of writing this story than either of us… I know it’s going to make people stand back and go, ‘Wow, that had to be God, had to be of God.’  I love you sooooooo much already and my heart will beat only for you.

Always and forever,

Your girl.

♥ Ames

NFH: thinking about you

Hey Darling Boy,

How have you been?  Lately I’ve been thinking about you.  A lot.  I think it is in part due to the fact that in the midst of this exam period, the mind likes to escape away to happy thoughts at times :).  It may be due to the fact that some of the people around me have been moving forward on the ‘relationship path’ lately i.e. a friend starting to date for the first time, a friend getting engaged, couples getting married… Maybe it’s because I’ve stumbled across some really inspiring blogs that portray what it means to live for God through marriage.  I dunno.

All I know is that I’m eagerly awaiting the day when I’ll find out who you are and when we’ll start living this life together.  I was so encouraged to read of a brother’s own heart for his future wife and it renewed my hope that the guy I pray you will be does actually exist.  Though I say I ‘wait’ I won’t be doing nothing… there’s so much living yet to be lived, so much God still wants me to see, so much stretching and growing yet to be done before we meet.  And a number of exams to smash as well :P.

Hope that wherever you are that your day may be blessed and fruitful in Him.

Love you lots already,

Your Girl.

♥ Ames

NFH: praying for you

Hey darling boy,

Did you know that you’ve got a whole host of people praying for you?  You haven’t even met them yet but they are :).  I spoke to my Auntie on the phone the other day (she lives with her family in Chicago – we should go visit them one day!) and she asked about you… well to be exact, she asked if I was dating anyone haha (or to be even more blunt, ‘Do you have a boyfriend yet?’).  I actually find these conversations quite amusing and I tell her what I’ve always told my relatives, “No, not yet but we’ve been praying for him.”  She told me they’ve been praying for you too, for the kind of man you are going to be and as she rattled off the things she’s been praying for, I couldn’t help but feel so blessed to have such wonderful people on my team ^^.  I think it’s pretty neat, don’t you?  I wonder how many prayers will be said over your life before we meet…?  Hehe, I can’t wait to tell you how some 7 year olds ended up praying for you too ;).

Somehow, I feel like we won’t be meeting for a while… there’s just a feeling like there’s so much to be accomplished in the next 2 years that I won’t be able to give you the adequate time, love, energy and devotion that I want to give to you.  But we’ll see I guess, it’s all in God’s capable hands and I trust that if there’s a ‘you and me’, it’ll happen in His own perfect time :).

Love always, your girl.

♥ Ames

NFH: right now

Hun, I wish you were here right now.   My head really doesn’t feel like studying right now.  I’d really like a warm embrace in your arms right now.  My toes are cold right now and I really can’t be bothered looking for socks… would you have gone and fetched some for me? hehe *sigh*

Some days are easier than others.  I’d count today as ones of the ‘others’… I think I’m a bit selfish though, wanting to be with you right now… because if you turned up on my doorstep and announced your arrival, I wouldn’t know where to ‘put you’ in a sense haha.  Life is not too busy at the moment but at the same time, there isn’t much room for the time and commitment I would like to give if you were to make yourself at home in my life.  That’s probably why you aren’t here yet, right? :)

Yep, I am a dreamer… I can’t wait to dream big dreams, reach new heights, scale high mountains with you… but right now, I think it’s probably a good time to learn to complain less and depend on God more, agreed?

‘Til we’re revealed to each other,

♥ Ames

NFH: Parentals

We talk about you every so often… and I can never seem to suppress the grin that plants itself on my face every time you get a mention :D.  You often get brought up in our family prayer time… how awesome it is to have parents on your team, praying alongside you for the dreams and desires of your heart… I sincerely pray that you have a healthy relationship with your parents and they have a healthy and loving relationship that you can take pointers from :).  As I get older, I seem to appreciate the ‘rents a lot more lols.  There’s a saying that goes something along the lines of, ‘when you are a kid, you think your parents know everything… when you are a teen, you think your parents know nothing… and when you are an adult, you realise they may know a thing or two afterall’ :).  I feel so privileged to have been drawn so much closer to these two people who have watched me grow… they know me inside out and back to front and yet, they love me still :D. 

To think that there was a time when I was lying behind their backs which in turn created such a terrible strain on our relationship… it just makes me value them all the more.  I know that I am so so so blessed to have such understanding, God-fearing parents who have always made the effort to keep communication lines open and available… they have always tried their best to explain themselves if our opinions clash, rather than simply pull the ‘I’m your mum/dad so what I say is final’ card which I’ve heard happens in many Asian families lols…  I think that’s why I really love being an ABC… our family has taken the good from the Western culture (freedom of speech/opinions within families!) and maintained the good side of the ‘respect/honour your elders’ that I believe has its roots from the Bible (Exodus 20:12 comes to mind). 

We’ve had time now to reflect on that period of time where trust and honesty had left the building and home was no longer the sanctuary that it once was (and is thankfully now again)… I can see clearly now how they knew things would have ended the way they did and they just wanted to protect me from the hurt and pain I went through…my dad recounted how he had felt so helpless during those days and how he realised that he just had to let me make my mistakes, trusting God to bring me out and then offer loving kindness and grace (as per our Heavenly Father) when the scales had finally been lifted from my eyes. 

Not many people can say this (or would be embarrassed to say it) but I’m proud to say that my parents are two people who I’d call my best friends… I can’t wait for you to get to know them and laugh, cry, debate and chat with them over one of our home-cooked meals… they can’t wait to meet you either ;).

♥ Ames

NFH: Sometimes

Sometimes I lash out when I get confused… I hope you’ll have patience with me.  Sometimes my mind thinks faster than my mouth can go and it comes out in a word jumble that is an overly long sentence of mismash which I need to slowly string together to make sense of it… please bear with me :).  Sometimes I panic when I’m not in control of my emotions… you’ll have to help me with that.  Sometimes I worry more than I should… please remind me to be thankful for just another day to be alive.  Sometimes I complain (a lot) when things don’t go the way I envisioned (especially when Melbourne weather does what it is known for)… you’ll have to pull me out of my negativity.   Sometimes I forget how blessed I am with family that I can actually talk to and get along with… please point to the obvious.  Sometimes I need to just take a breather from life… you’ll have make sure I slow down and rest.  Sometimes I get angry for things that can’t change… please remind me that everything happens for a reason.  Sometimes I think I know it all… you’ll have to keep me humble.

But at all times, I want to be growing, be better, be moving closer to God and falling more in love with Him… let’s do that together one day.

♥ Ames