Feeling a bit despondent, tired, lethargic – not sure if it’s from the aftermath of my first gym sesh in over a week, the rainy weather or if it’s something else. Maybe it’s a combination of everything.
I don’t feel satisfied with the way I’m doing life at the moment.
I’m not being all I wanna be. I feel like I’m living less than my calling.
I know what I’ll be doing in the short-term.
- 2 more papers
- 1 exam
- overseas trip
- starting a new job next year
It’s all the stuff in between that is unknown. I don’t know what to do with my desire to see our church grow, to bring more people into the Kingdom. I see a church that attracts people because they know their lives will be changed when they come. I see a church that is impacting the community for Jesus.
Should I go to Bible College? I wanna preach but I know I don’t have the time to adequately invest into preaching a good sermon. I feel like I have all the tools but not the time… or maybe I do – but I’ll need to give up other things to do it… hmmm.
Lord, I just wanna do what you want me to do. Open my eyes to see the path you want me to take. I surrender it all to you.
I think I need a nap (sorry for the randomness).
– Ames –
I do miss it, I must admit. That close connection with another human being that you aren’t related to I mean ;).
My girlfriends are great but we all live separate lives now – and I guess I’m just not in the habit of contacting them on a whim just for everyday things. But it’ll be nice to have someone one day (soon) whom I can share good news with as it happens, to share a prayer request or a burst of inspiration with. That’s what I enjoyed about a particular budding friendship recently.
BUT, it’s time to consciously back off. To focus.
There’s a time and place for everything under the sun.
Now’s the time to put it aside, clear the mind, put the head down and sprint towards the finish line.
47 days til freedom.
Let’s do this thing!
– Ames –
Last night I met my match… with a 3-year-old bundle of cuteness! :D
Lil Kyley was lots of fun to babysit :). She was so easily amused! We folded aeroplanes, read stories, drew pictures, sang songs together, giggled and laughed, played endless games of fruit dominos… the only issue I had was that she wouldn’t go to sleep! *sigh* It was getting past 9:30pm and I asked her a number of times if she was sleepy or tired but was met with a firm ‘No’ each time. Maybe it was my lack of sleep the night before but she just had way too much energy for me lol! I later found out that the trick was to read to her from a prayer-book and then miraculous she would fall asleep within moments! Pity her mother had forgotten to inform me of that >.<
Two things I learnt from that experience:
1. Being a mother to a young child is challenging!
I’ve always been surrounded by kids and was looking after them from the moment I was old enough to be responsible for someone other than myself. In addition, I love kids and usually it doesn’t take them long to warm up to me either ;). So, perhaps I had been too confident when I took on the task of looking after lil Kyley… she required constant supervision and entertainment! One night was ok but to do it day in and day out, must be so tiring. And she was one of the more well-behaved ones. You could only ever do it out of love.
2. Children are very simple.
Even though she asked me a lot of ‘Why’ questions (i.e. Why are there so many rabbits in that picture?), she completely trusted my answers. Her wonderment and amusement over something as simply as a folded piece of paper that represented a boat was so refreshing and highlighted to me why we should be like little children before God as well (Matthew 18:2-5). Thought I was making up some of the answers to Kyley’s questions along the way, God on the other hand really does know all the answers and so we can put our complete trust and confidence in Him. May we also once again rekindle that child-like amazement of how deep, how vast, how wide His love is for us and be in awe of the beautiful creation that He has surrounded us with.
Day 27 of Photo a Day April Challenge
We haven’t spoken in a long time. I hope you are well. I miss you. Not in a romantic sense. Just your friendship and the familiarity that comes with it.
I miss your lame jokes.
I miss your awkwardness.
I miss your kindness and care.
I miss our comfortable conversations.
I miss knowing what’s going on in your life.
I remember when hugs were a foreign concept to you and smiling was only something that happened on the rare occasion. Now hugs are the norm and you flash your pearly whites in nearly every photo I see of you.
I know we’re travelling different paths now but I just wanted to let you know (if you ever read this) that I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of the man of God that you have become. I love that you are a role model that young boys can now look up to in your community. I love how your life is a living testimony of what God can do when we give him some room to move in our lives. I’m blessed to have been there to witness the transformation and see the fruits of God’s love and mercy at work in your life.
I hope we’ll meet again one day soon. With the precious girl you have by your side and my amazing guy who’s on his way… can’t wait ;).
When you hear a song, when you see a familiar street corner, when you meet a mutual friend…
Did it really happen? It makes you wonder.
Everything seems like such a distant memory now.
Almost like it was just a bad dream and I’ve finally woken up.
Life never quite turns out the way you once hoped for.
And sometimes, that is such a good thing :).
Am I glad (so glad!) things didn’t turned out the way we planned.
The steady pitter-patter of the rain invades the silence in the air. Then it is gone again and all I can hear are my fingers clicking away over the keyboard.
36 hours and I’ll be on the home run towards freedom. I can’t wait but yet at the same time, it’s nice to just be still and enjoy the moment. A moment to pause and smile, knowing that on the brink of completing another semester, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, living the life I was meant to live – He’s been with me each step of the way and continues to guide my footsteps. How awesome is He.