lethargic

Feeling a bit despondent, tired, lethargic – not sure if it’s from the aftermath of my first gym sesh in over a week, the rainy weather or if it’s something else.  Maybe it’s a combination of everything.

I don’t feel satisfied with the way I’m doing life at the moment.

I’m not being all I wanna be.  I feel like I’m living less than my calling.

I know what I’ll be doing in the short-term.

  • 2 more papers
  • 1 exam
  • overseas trip
  • starting a new job next year

 

It’s all the stuff in between that is unknown.  I don’t know what to do with my desire to see our church grow, to bring more people into the Kingdom.  I see a church that attracts people because they know their lives will be changed when they come.  I see a church that is impacting the community for Jesus.

Should I go to Bible College?  I wanna preach but I know I don’t have the time to adequately invest into preaching a good sermon.  I feel like I have all the tools but not the time… or maybe I do – but I’ll need to give up other things to do it… hmmm.

Lord, I just wanna do what you want me to do.  Open my eyes to see the path you want me to take.  I surrender it all to you.

I think I need a nap (sorry for the randomness).

– Ames –

that close somebody

I do miss it, I must admit.  That close connection with another human being that you aren’t related to I mean ;).

My girlfriends are great but we all live separate lives now – and I guess I’m just not in the habit of contacting them on a whim just for everyday things.  But it’ll be nice to have someone one day (soon) whom I can share good news with as it happens, to share a prayer request or a burst of inspiration with.  That’s what I enjoyed about a particular budding friendship recently.

BUT, it’s time to consciously back off.  To focus.

There’s a time and place for everything under the sun.

Now’s the time to put it aside, clear the mind, put the head down and sprint towards the finish line.

47 days til freedom.

Let’s do this thing!

– Ames –

childlike wonderment

Last night I met my match… with a 3-year-old bundle of cuteness! :D

Lil Kyley was lots of fun to babysit :).  She was so easily amused!  We folded aeroplanes, read stories, drew pictures, sang songs together, giggled and laughed, played endless games of fruit dominos… the only issue I had was that she wouldn’t go to sleep!  *sigh*  It was getting past 9:30pm and I asked her a number of times if she was sleepy or tired but was met with a firm ‘No’ each time.  Maybe it was my lack of sleep the night before but she just had way too much energy for me lol!  I later found out that the trick was to read to her from a prayer-book and then miraculous she would fall asleep within moments!   Pity her mother had forgotten to inform me of that >.<

Two things I learnt from that experience:

1. Being a mother to a young child is challenging!  

I’ve always been surrounded by kids and was looking after them from the moment I was old enough to be responsible for someone other than myself.  In addition, I love kids and usually it doesn’t take them long to warm up to me either ;).  So, perhaps I had been too confident when I took on the task of looking after lil Kyley… she required constant supervision and entertainment!  One night was ok but to do it day in and day out, must be so tiring.  And she was one of the more well-behaved ones.  You could only ever do it out of love.

2. Children are very simple.

Even though she asked me a lot of ‘Why’ questions (i.e. Why are there so many rabbits in that picture?), she completely trusted my answers.  Her wonderment and amusement over something as simply as a folded piece of paper that represented a boat was so refreshing and highlighted to me why we should be like little children before God as well (Matthew 18:2-5).  Thought I was making up some of the answers to Kyley’s questions along the way, God on the other hand really does know all the answers and so we can put our complete trust and confidence in Him.  May we also once again rekindle that child-like amazement of how deep, how vast, how wide His love is for us and be in awe of the beautiful creation that He has surrounded us with.

Day 27 of Photo a Day April Challenge

♥ Ames

To my FFL

Hey you.

We haven’t spoken in a long time.  I hope you are well.  I miss you.  Not in a romantic sense.  Just your friendship and the familiarity that comes with it.

I miss your lame jokes.

I miss your awkwardness.

I miss your kindness and care.

I miss our comfortable conversations.

I miss knowing what’s going on in your life.

I remember when hugs were a foreign concept to you and smiling was only something that happened on the rare occasion.  Now hugs are the norm and you flash your pearly whites in nearly every photo I see of you.

I know we’re travelling different paths now but I just wanted to let you know (if you ever read this) that I’m so proud of you.  I’m so proud of the man of God that you have become.  I love that you are a role model that young boys can now look up to in your community.  I love how your life is a living testimony of what God can do when we give him some room to move in our lives.  I’m blessed to have been there to witness the transformation and see the fruits of God’s love and mercy at work in your life.

I hope we’ll meet again one day soon.  With the precious girl you have by your side and my amazing guy who’s on his way… can’t wait ;).

♥ Ames

it makes you wonder.

When you hear a song, when you see a familiar street corner, when you meet a mutual friend…

Did it really happen?  It makes you wonder.

Everything seems like such a distant memory now.

Almost like it was just a bad dream and I’ve finally woken up.

Life never quite turns out the way you once hoped for.

And sometimes, that is such a good thing :).

Am I glad (so glad!) things didn’t turned out the way we planned.

♥ Ames

to pause

The steady pitter-patter of the rain invades the silence in the air.  Then it is gone again and all I can hear are my fingers clicking away over the keyboard.

36 hours and I’ll be on the home run towards freedom.  I can’t wait but yet at the same time, it’s nice to just be still and enjoy the moment.  A moment to pause and smile, knowing that on the brink of completing another semester, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, living the life I was meant to live – He’s been with me each step of the way and continues to guide my footsteps.  How awesome is He.

:).

♥ Ames

L’amour

Argh, my French is so bad now… spent about five minutes trying to work out how to phrase, ‘What is love?’ for the title but I just wasn’t confident with my final answer (Quel est l’amour ?) so I thought I’d just stick with what I know haha.

Love is probably one topic that gets written about a lot over here… maybe that should become part of my ‘About me’ section – I love talking about ‘love’ lols.

*sigh*

So what is it?  How does it manifest?  In the years that I’ve been in a Vietnamese church, I’ve heard this passage (below) read out at so many weddings that when I was younger, my thoughts were, ‘What, again?  Can’t they come up with anything original?’ lols, but of course, as I’ve grown up, I’ve come to appreciate this definition of love…

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

– 1 Corinthians 13

I remember the day we met.  I remember the conversations we had.  I remember the fears we shared.  I remember the prayers we lifted up.  Now my heart grieves for the broken pieces that you don’t want to repair.  But I give it to Him and if it’s meant to be restored, He’ll make a way even when there seems to be no way.  If this is the end of our journey together, then I will always be thankful for the footsteps you left in my life.  I love you.

♥ Ames

work + study ain’t working…

Do you ever wonder about the choices that you’ve made and how a decision that seemed so right at the time doesn’t seem to produce the results that you had anticipated?  This was definitely not a life-changing or life-threatening kind of decision but I’m starting to wonder if I was rather ambitious to think that I would have the energy to sit down and write an essay following a full-day of interning.  The almost unbearable heat has been draining my energy as well…I really do salute those people who balance work and full-time study on a regular basis… it’s tough.  And I’m just complaining and procrastinating… *sigh*

I think writing has become kinda like ‘comfort food’ for my soul… sometimes when there is too much going on in my mind or if I’m trying to figure out what is the best way of phrasing something, writing it down either on the blog or my personal journal just clears up the clutter and helps me think clearly.  Once the ideas or thoughts are written down, then I’m able to turn my attention to things that actually need my attention i.e. my essay!! Well… that’s what I tell myself.

One of my parents gave me some very exciting news yesterday… said parent was able to save a phone number on their phone and also send a text message all by themselves while I was at work!! That’s a big milestone! :D Maybe I should stay away from home more often…who knows what they may be forced to learn ;). lols, just kidding :).  I love ’em.

Prayers for Northern Queensland tonight with Cyclone Yasi closing in…

♥ Ames

P.S. Happy Chinese New Year (in a few hours)!