He loves me enough

This has been one of those trying weeks.

Emotions seriously out of whack, crying unnecessary tears of disappointment.

But in the midst of the pain and anguish, God’s shown that He does know what is best for me.

And He loves me enough to withhold from me something that I thought I wanted but was completely out of His plan.

Sometimes we place unrealistic expectations on those around us, whether it be our friends, colleagues, spouses.  We put them up on a pedestal  and we begin to link our happiness and sometimes our contentment to how they treat us or respond to us.  I know I did.

And how loving is He to care enough that each time I begin to ground my happiness on whether or not someone meets my expectations, He withholds that relationship from me.

Once I refocus and get my head on straight again, once I go to Him as my source of joy and satisfaction, it’s like He allows me to have it back again, keeping an eye on me and making sure I don’t let my own flesh get in the way of something He has gifted me.  He is after all a jealous God – when things or people start to take His place in our lives, He has the authority, power and love to take those things/people away.

You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name.  

Lord, thank you for clarity like never before.  Forgive me for abusing what you had gifted me.  Help me to value and treasure what is presently before me and respect and love those around me within the boundaries you’ve already laid out for me.  Thank you for giving me insight to your grand plans for me and thank you for your patience with me.

“Keep my commandments and live, and keep my law and teaching as the apple of your eye.  Bind them on your fingers, write them on the tablet of your heart.  Say to skilful and godly wisdom, you are my sister and regard understanding or insight as your intimate friend.” – Proverbs 7:2-4 AMP

– Ames –

P.S. Enjoying this song right now…

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this waiting thing

I’m impatient.

Sometimes I wish I could just skip ahead and see how this story is meant to unfold.

But I know it’s here in this limbo “what, when, who” land that I’m having to trust God more than ever.

It’s in the unknown that our faith is tested.

No matter how long it’s gonna take, no matter how long I gotta wait, God, I surrender it again to you (seems like this is becoming a regular thing, no?).

I’m holding my heart out.  

——-

Love, where is your fire? I’ve been sitting here smoking away
Making signals with sticks and odd ends and bits,
But still there’s no sign of a flame
Imposters have been passing, offering a good-feeling glow
But I’m holding out for what you are about – an inferno that burns to the bone
Some urge me to be temperate, lukewarm will never do

[Chorus:]
‘Cause I, I wanna (know I’ll) blaze with you
So I’m holding my heart out to you
Holding my heart out

So I stand, handing out torches
Speaking words that are lamps to their feet
Til’ the time when you come and I’m whole and we are one and the fire in me is complete
Some tell me to be moderate but lukewarm will never do

[Bridge:]
Then a doubt comes to lie at the back of my mind
That I’ll offer you me and you’ll politely decline (no thank you)
So I hasten to mute it, I’ll shout and rebuke it – “away! ”

Love, Where is your fire? Brooke Fraser

– Ames –

selfless love

When God’s love enters the picture, the theme of our lives can no longer be about what we want; it has to be about what God wants, and about what is best for those around us.

Selfish love comes naturally to us – we don’t have to labor to be excellent at it. But God’s love on the other hand is opposite our bent. We have to allow our lives to be remade to exhibit its glory…

Christ-built love is selfless love. It’s noble, it’s pure, it’s tender, it’s dignified, it’s grand . . . it’s heavenly. We all have our moments of selfless nobility, but Christ-built love isn’t a one-time heroic deed. Rather, it’s a lifelong lifestyle of romantic service to our spouse, selflessly considering another’s needs above our own.

You can prepare for lasting romance long before you ever meet your spouse, by asking God to cultivate selfless love within you toward the people in your life right now. It might not seem romantic, but it’s the best foundation you can ever lay for a marriage that will stand the test of time!

Preparing for a Lasting Romance, Setapartgirl

Lately, I’ve felt myself grow impatient for things.  Impatient at times for growth in numbers at our home church.  Impatient for leaders to mature in their faith.  Impatient also (as you can gather from above) for romance to blossom.  I find myself yearning for something that I know in my heart I am not ready to commit to at this point in time in my life.

There is a “person of interest” but no clear indication that he is the life-long covenant partner God has for me.

Yet I can see that I’ve already developed an unhealthy attachment for this person – what does God want in this and what is best for this person?

God’s love in my life means that I must put my impatience for intimacy (emotionally first before everything else) aside and protect his heart as well as my own.  Having broken another’s heart once and had my own shattered before, I feel like it’s an encore performance I’d rather not have to relive.  I feel convicted lately in how I’ve been treating those of the opposite sex.  If my future husband was with me on all those occasions or part of those conversations, would that be honoring to him or to the future wives of the guys I am interacting with?

Time for some reevaluation and some shifting.  It’ll be painful – of that I am sure.  But it’ll be worth it.

– Ames –

my resolve

A proper return to blogging post coming up but I just gotta get this out of my system right now…

I find that I sometimes get too excited about new connections with people who share the same interests as me.  I’m afraid that I sometimes come across as too friendly lol. I feel myself needing to restraint my enthusiasm when I meet someone who likes the same things that I do.  Don’t you ever get excited when you meet someone who sees the world as you do?

I guess if I was on the receiving end of such an excitable person as I know I have the tendency to be, I’d probably get a bit suspicious anyway.  Especially when it’s comes to a person of the opposite sex – I do wonder how many I have scared away or how many keep their distance because they think I’m after something more than friendship lol.  If I could just somehow direct new acquaintances to this blog and let them read this statement:

I AM A VERY HAPPY SINGLE AND NOT SEEKING ANYTHING MORE THAN FRIENDSHIP.

And that’s the truth, yo.

There are some lessons that you only ever need to learn once.

Sure, I do hope to get married one day but I’ve surrendered the pen of my love story to the One who knows me better than I know myself.  I wait on Him.  Admittedly, sometimes I do forget and try to grab the pen and start constructing my own version of how things should be.  But thankfully, those silly fazes only last for a short period of time (I think I’ve got it down to a day at the most) and once I realise my irrationality, I throw it back to him and say, “Please! Take it back! It’s all yours!”  God’s got it in the bag so why should I worry about it?  Will worrying make His appointed time come any quicker?  Nope.

I’ve resolved to make the most of my single years.  I don’t want to ever look back on this time with regrets.  I’m so thankful that He has opened my eyes to just how precious this time is.  I don’t want to spend this time in pursuit of something that’s for the future; the present is as it is labelled – a ‘gift’ from God to be used and to be lived fully.  I want to be fully alive and active in the here and now.  To live out the promises God has given me and help others to do the same.

And at His appointed time, He’ll point him out to me and I to him and then the rest will be history :).

Phew, that was good. 

– Ames –

Like This: Waste Another Day, Brooke Fraser

Found this old Brooke Fraser song recently… I bought her first album years back and listened to it continuously until I misplaced it one day.  She has definitely grown and changed much as an artist over the span of her career but one things that has remained all the way through is her ability to weave a beautiful story in her songs.  This one was no exception:

Don’t you say it’s too early
Baby I don’t wanna waste the day
When we’ve everything on our side
And nothing in our way

We can do what we wanna
‘Cos today the world is ours
Nothing gray, just real-time and colour
In which to whittle away the hours

We could speak ’til nothing’s left unspoken
We could drive ’til we’ve run out of road
We could drink ’til we’ve emptied the ocean
But I’d be happy here
Happy just to hold you

[Chorus]
‘Til the suns and planets disappear
I could stay in your arms all year
Even if that means infinity through
If being productive is being with you
Then baby I don’t want to waste another day

I’ll shout aloud what I’m feeling
Let my tongue be still no more
Now I know that it’s the real thing
Just try and keep me quiet about it
Oh…

‘Cos we could stare until we both are blinded
We could fall ’til gravity gets tired
We could lose our love just to re-find it
But I’m just happy here
Happy staying beside you

Waste Another Day, Brooke Fraser

I’m looking forward to singing this to you one day :).

– Ames – 

overwhelmed again

Lately, I’ve had those moments where I’m just overwhelmed by God’s grace and His love for me.

Like when:

I hung out with an old friend and thanked the Lord that I didn’t end up marrying him (and he married someone perfect for him).

I grieved over a broken friendship and had someone to comfort me while the tears fell.

I was supremely blessed by an anointed teacher of the Word of God.

I saw God’s provisions for a lost sister of mine.

My prayers for a spiritual mentor came true!

I spoke about the loving community that God had brought around me in one of the lowest times in my life.

I recalled how much growing has happened in the last 3 years.

I was reminded of how we serve a God that redeems, renews and restores things that we thought were lost.

I realised that sitting across from each other with my kids and your kids running around in the background, isn’t such a far-fetched idea after all :).

And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love, love, love
Burning in my heart
– Like An Avalanche, Hillsong

Praise God for His faithfulness.

– Ames –

if I have not love…

A quote from Joyce Meyer (taken from her podcast, “Obey and Be Blessed, Part 2”):

“A lot of people have a gift that will take them somewhere but not enough character to keep them there.”

She talked about how she used to watch TV preachers and think to herself, ‘I could preach circles around them’.  Though she was/is gifted as a speaker, God could not place her in the position that she is in now until He had worked that self-pride out of her.  If He placed her as an international speaker straight away, her pride would have just inflated and she would have thought that it was all her own talent and skills.  So God needed to work in humility in order for her to fulfil her God-given destiny.

This hits close to home.  I thought I had the job in the bag.  No worries, mate!  I became prideful.  And so I was humbled.  I had to trust God with my future… again (implying that perhaps I had been trusting in my own abilities).  But God is gracious and He is patient even when we make mistakes.

I think of others who are so talented and could do so much for the Kingdom, but because they won’t learn to let go of offences, they’ll have to re-take that ‘test’ again and again and again until they realise that God’s overarching call is for us to demonstrate Christ’s love to those who don’t deserve it… because that’s how Christ first loved us.  Unforgiveness, bitterness and/or holding a grudge is just like drinking poison everyday hoping that the person who offended you is going to die.  You are the only one who gets hurt.

I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8a…

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

I hope for their sake that it happens sooner rather than later.  “Learn the lesson quickly”. – another Joyce Meyer quote.

– Ames –