tired but not burnt out… yet.

It has come up a few times this year.

Probably for the past month I’ve felt it more than ever before.

That sense of being weary and journey-worn.

I’m sure more than once I’ve mentally responded to the usual, “How are you?”, with “I’m tired.”

It’s been a big year.  More so than anticipated.

I think I underestimated how draining full-time work can be on the body, mind and soul.  I’ve only just realised that I’ve been trying to play Superwoman for most of this year and it hasn’t been a healthy outcome.  I’ve been stressed, I’ve felt like a failure when I can’t execute tasks as well as I thought I should be… so close to burning out…

BUT not yet.  And let’s hope never.

It’s time to change strategies.  Actually, it’s time to change the mind, or more importantly renew the mind.

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always found

There a big decision that our family has to make in the next few weeks.  We’ve had discussions about it, brought it before the Lord in prayer and waited on an answer.

God has spoken through His Word this morning but there is still a bit of uncertainty.  One thing that we can be comforted with is that even if we make the wrong choice, God is gracious and redeems.  It’s not that we knowingly walk into a bad situation – God gives us wisdom if we ask Him for it and He wants us to exercise discernment.  However, I love that we can rely on Him to lead us back to the right path, even if we make the wrong move.  I’ve experience this time and time again and having done this thing called life with God for some time now, I can say with certainty that ‘God has never failed me’.  He’s got a perfect track record.

I remember Joyce Meyer saying once: “Even if I get lost, God will come and find me.”  Reminds me of the parables of the lost coin and lost sheep.

Mum made a comment that just like a good parent would always look after the interests of their child, so God is with us.  I love my Heavenly Daddy :).

♥ Ames

reputation

I’m studying for my legal ethics exam at the moment and a key point that has been made in class (that I’ve recorded in my notes) is that a lawyer’s conduct, whether good or bad, will affect the reputation of the profession.  Hence, lawyers must do their utmost to act with honesty and integrity.  This is our duty (says a not-yet-lawyer) to the court and to clients.  How the public perceives the legal profession and whether or not people have faith in the legal profession will depend on how lawyers act.  This could also  extend beyond the retainer (what they have been commissioned to do by their clients).

Clearly some links with how as Christians we should also take note that our actions will affect the reputation of the followers of Christ and it’s something that we should protect.  When we say we are a Christian, we are in essence saying that we are (or endeavour to be) a representation of Christ.  That’s serious and it’s not something we should take on lightly.  I’m not saying that we can’t make mistakes but when we do, we should own up to them and accept the consequences.

Argh, so much thought could go into this topic/post and there is so much more to say on the topic but will leave it here.  Time to head home from the library :D.

♥ Ames

shades of grey

Another view on the topic of same-sex marriage.

Still working on piecing my own stance on the matter but it’s helpful to hear the different perspectives, particularly from those from the Christian faith, however, when you mix politics, culture and faith together, there seem to be more shades of grey than black and white.

I think it’s pretty clear that a minister should not be forced to do something that is against their faith or belief.  And the Bible remains the authority for the Church and it’s members regardless of the culture of the day.  It’s the separation of Church and State and what that means for civil rights that has me in a spin.

Hmmm.

Will let it brew in the background for now.

I know I said I was going into hibernation but it seems like I’m posting much more since then lol.  Possibly Facebook withdrawal symptoms.

♥ Ames

childlike wonderment

Last night I met my match… with a 3-year-old bundle of cuteness! :D

Lil Kyley was lots of fun to babysit :).  She was so easily amused!  We folded aeroplanes, read stories, drew pictures, sang songs together, giggled and laughed, played endless games of fruit dominos… the only issue I had was that she wouldn’t go to sleep!  *sigh*  It was getting past 9:30pm and I asked her a number of times if she was sleepy or tired but was met with a firm ‘No’ each time.  Maybe it was my lack of sleep the night before but she just had way too much energy for me lol!  I later found out that the trick was to read to her from a prayer-book and then miraculous she would fall asleep within moments!   Pity her mother had forgotten to inform me of that >.<

Two things I learnt from that experience:

1. Being a mother to a young child is challenging!  

I’ve always been surrounded by kids and was looking after them from the moment I was old enough to be responsible for someone other than myself.  In addition, I love kids and usually it doesn’t take them long to warm up to me either ;).  So, perhaps I had been too confident when I took on the task of looking after lil Kyley… she required constant supervision and entertainment!  One night was ok but to do it day in and day out, must be so tiring.  And she was one of the more well-behaved ones.  You could only ever do it out of love.

2. Children are very simple.

Even though she asked me a lot of ‘Why’ questions (i.e. Why are there so many rabbits in that picture?), she completely trusted my answers.  Her wonderment and amusement over something as simply as a folded piece of paper that represented a boat was so refreshing and highlighted to me why we should be like little children before God as well (Matthew 18:2-5).  Thought I was making up some of the answers to Kyley’s questions along the way, God on the other hand really does know all the answers and so we can put our complete trust and confidence in Him.  May we also once again rekindle that child-like amazement of how deep, how vast, how wide His love is for us and be in awe of the beautiful creation that He has surrounded us with.

Day 27 of Photo a Day April Challenge

♥ Ames

Waiting

Beware: random thoughts to follow…

The idea of waiting is kind of growing on me. Society generally has us all in a rush to get from A to B but there’s also that concept of enjoying the moment. Enjoying the season of waiting.

For me, in terms of relationships, waiting means anticipation, hopefulness, mystery, more time for personal growth, opportunity and capacity to invest in others, less angst and emotional drama, being independent of others but depend on God for all your needs.

I feel like there’s a group of people who don’t get much attention in our society: The Happy Singles.  Single people who are loving life and living it to its fullest.  Why don’t we read or hear about them? Because we love the drama, the complicated relationships, the heartbreak of people dating and sleeping around so happy, uncomplicated, unattached single people = boring.

Oh well.  I’ll still enjoy waiting.  I feel like right now, free of all kind of romantic relationships or crushes, I can love fully and freely.  And that’s awesome.

I’m so thankful to get a second chance at living life as a happy single :).  I could do with a few more years of this bliss.

Praise God.

♥ Ames

all over again

Heard these lyrics for the first time today and fell in love all over again:

Did You raise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might
Know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I’ve known marked
With my maker’s fingerprints?

I can’t imagine life without Him.

‘Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

– Always, Hillsong

I’m overwhelmed by His love for me.  How He brings people into my life to affirm me and lift me up.  The fact that He would choose me and use me… for that, I will be forever grateful.

My life is Yours.

♥ Ames

Easter Reflections 2

Continuing on from yesterday, I asked myself, What does Easter mean?

Two words came to mind.  The first was Redemption.  The Bible from the beginning to end is a story of redemption.  A story of how God redeems his people time and time again.  The Israelites rebel, they suffer the consequences, they repent, God forgives and all is well for a while before the people forget of how good it is to be walking with God and start going their own way again.  Each time the repented, the people would need to kill a lamb to atone for their sin – disobedience to God.  The lamb would be unblemished to represent purity.  From what I’ve heard (I will do more research about this later), there was a process whereby the man (it was always a man in those days) would put his hands on the lamb as a ritual to symbolise that his sin was being transferred into the lamb before it was slaughtered.

But this was only a temporary measure.   Continue reading

Easter Reflections 1

I’ve been in church since I was a few weeks old and through the years, I’ve heard/sung/played a countless number of hymns.  There are some hymns that will always stick in your mind (i.e. ‘Amazing Grace’) and some that you only realise the significance of at different stages in your life.  Last Sunday, one hymn became of the latter.

As I sung the words to ‘The Old Rugged Cross’, all of a sudden they weren’t just words on a screen, they were declarations from my heart:

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being a mouthpiece

And so, I preached my first sermon last night.

I was not as prepared as I could have been but from the feedback and how I felt standing up there, I think it wasn’t bad at least! :D  Been praying a lot the past week and I know there were things I spoke about that I had not written down to share but I believe that the Holy Spirit was guiding my words and He knew what the people needed to hear last night.

Praise God!

However, I don’t think I’ll be preaching anytime soon!  I’ve come to a new appreciation of pastors such as my Dad who preach week after week.  Having listened to (I’m sure it’s something like) 1000+ sermons, I’d somehow come to the conclusion that it shouldn’t be that hard… but let’s just say, it’s not as easy as it seems!

If you asked me 5 yrs ago whether I would ever consider or see myself preaching the answer would have been a flat ‘no’. I did not like public speaking nor did I think I had anything anyone would want to hear.  But a few years ago, the desire to be God’s mouthpiece to the people sprung out of nowhere.  Actually, that’s not quite accurate. It was following the situation that had left me heartbroken and as God was guiding me through the process of forgiveness, I was brought into contact with many people who needed to hear what God was doing in my life.

As a person who didn’t like to stir up controversy, I had previously taken the coward’s way out and believed that if I just practised my faith through actions, then that would be enough for people to know Jesus and want what I had.  And to an extend, people would comment about my positive outlook on life but I was often too fearful of what people would think of me that I failed on many occasions to point them properly to Jesus, the source of my joy and the strength for me to let go.  Eventually, I could no longer stay silent.  With my nerves and fumbling words, I began to tell the story of how He nursed me back into wholeness.  How I experienced the forgiveness of God fully for perhaps the first time in my life.  But I had learnt so much that I felt I was not doing my friends justice if I kept this Good News to myself.  People say that actions speak louder than words but I think words must not lose their importance.  How will the people know that it is the joy of the Lord that is your strength and not just your temperament or your personality?

OK, this turned into a bit a rant… unintentional.  In a way this is a self-pep talk to keep going at it.  I still have bouts of fear when talking to people about faith but I’m learning to block it out and just share what I know in my heart to be true.  And at the end of the day, it’s not our words that will change their hearts but God’s Spirit that goes to work.  And keeping that in mind, takes the pressure off.  All we got to do is just be willing and do it.

♥ Ames