That last post was one that I had written on Thursday but scheduled for yesterday (hope that made sense).
However, despite the positive feelings conveyed in that Thursday post, I fell apart that afternoon.
I didn’t realise the closed doors had affected me so deeply. I knew in my heart of hearts that God would provide – He was/is. I even put on a brave face and shared about it with our small group in the law school, shared about how God is Jehovah Jireh, the Lord God our Provider. However, as I began to lead this song, I got through half of the first verse before the tears began to fall and then almost uncontrollably.
Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy is unfailing
His arms a fortress for the weak…
Thankfully, one of the other girls was gracious to step in and share her experience recently of God providing for her. Afterwards, I thought I had collected myself so I decided to play the YouTube version of the song instead but as the words were sung, I just started crying again.
Let faith arise
Let faith arise
I guess all the emotions that had been bottled up had to be released at some point… so why not in front of 5 other people?? It just goes to show that just because you believe that God will provide, it doesn’t minimise the disappointment or shattered dream.
I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
However, underlying it all is the knowledge that God is faithful. We have a hope unfailing in the promise that God is our provider. That He knows which doors to close and which to open to get you to the destination He’s planned for you since the very beginning of time.
And you know what? After the prayer group, I got a call that’s rocked my world. Nothing is confirmed yet, but He’s open another door!