Impatience uncovered

Oh wow. I just realised that I have used the word “impatient” at least 7 times in the last couple of posts… *sigh*

I think that being impatient really stems from not truely believing that God’s got the best plan for our lives. We’re impatient because we want things to happen on our timeline, not knowing or understanding that whatever we have before us is there for a reason, His purposes. 

I want to repent of this. I need to repent of this.

Impatience also means, in my view, that you start striving to make something happen on your terms or timeline. That equates to stepping outside God’s will which can lead to some dangerous consequences.

So I’m resolving here and now to be patient with life. To relax and chill over things I choose not to control coz I’ve given Him reign in that area of my life.

To not get too enthusiastic about people I click with coz it might scare them away. To not put unrealistic expectations on others. To take things slowly and be at peace with all those around me. To love greatly and forgive quickly.

I’m not saying I’ll get it right all the time but this is the direction I want to travel in.

– Ames –

this waiting thing

I’m impatient.

Sometimes I wish I could just skip ahead and see how this story is meant to unfold.

But I know it’s here in this limbo “what, when, who” land that I’m having to trust God more than ever.

It’s in the unknown that our faith is tested.

No matter how long it’s gonna take, no matter how long I gotta wait, God, I surrender it again to you (seems like this is becoming a regular thing, no?).

I’m holding my heart out.  

——-

Love, where is your fire? I’ve been sitting here smoking away
Making signals with sticks and odd ends and bits,
But still there’s no sign of a flame
Imposters have been passing, offering a good-feeling glow
But I’m holding out for what you are about – an inferno that burns to the bone
Some urge me to be temperate, lukewarm will never do

[Chorus:]
‘Cause I, I wanna (know I’ll) blaze with you
So I’m holding my heart out to you
Holding my heart out

So I stand, handing out torches
Speaking words that are lamps to their feet
Til’ the time when you come and I’m whole and we are one and the fire in me is complete
Some tell me to be moderate but lukewarm will never do

[Bridge:]
Then a doubt comes to lie at the back of my mind
That I’ll offer you me and you’ll politely decline (no thank you)
So I hasten to mute it, I’ll shout and rebuke it – “away! ”

Love, Where is your fire? Brooke Fraser

– Ames –

God’s best

One of the lessons that I feel God has been impressing on my heart is that His best for me may not look like what I, my parents, my friends think is best for me.

His ways are higher than my ways afterall.

He has given me countless examples of this in my own life already.

My parents thought the best way for me to stay in private school was to get a scholarship and somehow pay the rest of the way. God closed those doors because He had a trust fund arrangement in place already.

I thought the best way for me to do my tertiary studies would be through a double degree at my preferred university. God closed the door on that because He knew I probably would have dropped law had I done it straight out of high school.

Friends, family and I thought it would be best that I get a priority job offer from the firms I’d worked in. God closed all those doors because He had a better fit in mind.

In all these and other examples, He has shown himself faithful and He’s not about to change now.

So when it comes to the area of relationships (the serious forever kind) I’m trying to keep an open mind knowing that who He has in mind, may not look like who I have in my mind. The circumstances in which I hope we will meet may not meet my expectations but what He has planned and in store will be even better than I could ever plan or fashion for myself. 

I am committing once again the pen of my love story to Him. Each time that I’ve tried to manipulate or push the friendship boundaries out of impatience (lack of trust in God really), I have fallen flat on my face lol.

God’s been gracious though each time and given me back the friendship that I’d abused and gently reminded me that it was a gift from him that I shouldn’t read anything more into at this point in time, if ever.

Not going to overthink it or assume anything.  Just gonna enjoy the journey He has me on and relax in the knowledge that He’s got this ;).

– Ames –

Revived

Last week, I rediscovered my first love again.

I thought I was just acting in obedience to go along to the conference as a leader of my girls but quite quickly I realized God created this set of circumstances so that I could be revived in His presence. He brought me there for “me”.

Sitting under the Word and finding freedom in His Spirit, it was the “tune up” I needed after 6 months of full time of work. I fell in love with my Lord Jesus again!

That break from the regular routine has also allowed me to break some of the bad habits I’d picked up in the first half of the year i.e. all I wanted to do after work was sit in front of the tv and let that be my source of relief.

In the week I had been away, not once did I have a desire to sit in front of the tv at the end of the day nor did I feel like I was missing out on a particular show. Not because I was too tired but rather my spirit had been filled so much with “nourishment” from the Father that tv shows lost their appeal. I think that is what it means to be “satisfied in the Lord”.

Having tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, I’ve made a decision to no longer watch reality tv or tv series. It’s not a standard I would necessarily impose on others, rather this is a personal decision I’ve been wanting to make for some time now but had not plugged into to the correct source of power (the Holy Spirit) to give me the strength to call it quits.

Instead of filling my head with images and storylines that neither build me up spiritual or revive me physically, I want to rekindle the gift of songwriting that has laid dormant for nearly 1 yr.

God reminded me of a song I started to write this time last year but it was never completed. Time to finish some unfinished business.  And to find refreshment in Him as I begin to exercise that gift again and lift up praises to the Lover of my soul.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

– Ames –

Clarification

Haha well, clearly this blog still some form of readership after a few excited questions following the last post.

Just for clarity, what was written was in the future tense. Words to be said one day. I’m thankful that God has shown me people of whom I can actually say the first 5 statements to right now but the last… still waiting on God for that :).

-Ames –

What I will say of you

Your love for Christ was what first attracted me.

Your servant leadership was what I admired.

Your teachable heart and humility made me at ease.

You put actions behind your convictions and stand up against injustice.

You see the world through the eyes of the Father and seek to make His Name known.

You are mine and I am yours.

– Ames –

selfless love

When God’s love enters the picture, the theme of our lives can no longer be about what we want; it has to be about what God wants, and about what is best for those around us.

Selfish love comes naturally to us – we don’t have to labor to be excellent at it. But God’s love on the other hand is opposite our bent. We have to allow our lives to be remade to exhibit its glory…

Christ-built love is selfless love. It’s noble, it’s pure, it’s tender, it’s dignified, it’s grand . . . it’s heavenly. We all have our moments of selfless nobility, but Christ-built love isn’t a one-time heroic deed. Rather, it’s a lifelong lifestyle of romantic service to our spouse, selflessly considering another’s needs above our own.

You can prepare for lasting romance long before you ever meet your spouse, by asking God to cultivate selfless love within you toward the people in your life right now. It might not seem romantic, but it’s the best foundation you can ever lay for a marriage that will stand the test of time!

Preparing for a Lasting Romance, Setapartgirl

Lately, I’ve felt myself grow impatient for things.  Impatient at times for growth in numbers at our home church.  Impatient for leaders to mature in their faith.  Impatient also (as you can gather from above) for romance to blossom.  I find myself yearning for something that I know in my heart I am not ready to commit to at this point in time in my life.

There is a “person of interest” but no clear indication that he is the life-long covenant partner God has for me.

Yet I can see that I’ve already developed an unhealthy attachment for this person – what does God want in this and what is best for this person?

God’s love in my life means that I must put my impatience for intimacy (emotionally first before everything else) aside and protect his heart as well as my own.  Having broken another’s heart once and had my own shattered before, I feel like it’s an encore performance I’d rather not have to relive.  I feel convicted lately in how I’ve been treating those of the opposite sex.  If my future husband was with me on all those occasions or part of those conversations, would that be honoring to him or to the future wives of the guys I am interacting with?

Time for some reevaluation and some shifting.  It’ll be painful – of that I am sure.  But it’ll be worth it.

– Ames –

beyond the comfort zone

Our Hillsong 40 Days of Revival Devo encouraged us to do something with what we had in our hands – to be generous and selfless.

I wasn’t sure if this would make much of a difference but the Whatsapp group that I’m part of, encouraged me to go ahead anyway…

I bought my Big Issue from a guy at the corner of Collins St at Southern Cross Station.

I asked how his day was and he said not very good; he warned me that there was another individual going around begging and I should be aware of him.

I asked him what his story was and he was taken aback, so I asked him how he got involved with the Big Issue and he told me he had been selling them for 6 yrs after his mate had gotten involved.

I asked him if it was going well; he said that it’s going ok – he has his regular customers.

I asked if this was his regular spot he said yes, I said perhaps I can become his regular customer. He smiled.

I asked his name – James – and I gave him mine.

We shook hands and I went on my way.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.

– Philippians 2:1-7

– Ames – 

 

expectation

I have just spent the last 4 hours doing household chores – laundry, dishes, folding clothes, cleaning/clearing, packing, washing the fishtank, making shortbread cookies for my brother (they didn’t turn out that nice – but yummy)…

Why??

There are a number of reasons like I feel like I haven’t been pulling my weight in the household as of late; sometimes all I do after dinner is laze in front of the TV and be ever non-productive.  Gotta help out where I can.  Plus doing mundane tasks like folding clothes is quite therapeutic – no need to use any brain power but you feel like you have accomplished something after a pile of clothes disappear into cupboards and drawers before your eyes.

But the main reason is that we’ll have a special guests visiting our family tomorrow (well, today – in about 12 hours lol).  They met us for the first time 2 years ago and gave me words that marked the beginning of a new journey for me.  Looking back now in the last 2 years, much growth has happened and much of what was said has come to pass.

I wait in expectation at just what God will reveal to me about the path ahead…

– Ames –