quietly thankful

I’m quietly thankful (quiet because the house is).

I’m quietly thankful for a job where I enjoy the work, the people, the culture and the fact that I can still have a life outside of my job.

I’m quietly thankful for my stage of life, namely my singleness (who would have thought!).

I’m quietly thankful for supportive godly parents.

I’m quietly thankful for income that can assist with household expenses.

I’m quietly thankful for key people who have popped up in my life recently.

I’m quietly thankful for opportunities to serve God in all facets of my life.

I’m quietly thankful for time to sit down and write what I’m quietly thankful about :).

Sincerely,

Ames

golden years

Beautiful Lord.

Thank you.

My heart is so full right now with thanksgiving.

I thank you that you’ve blessed me with the knowledge of you in my life from such a young age and that I’ve been able to serve you since my youth.

I thank you that you’ve also been protecting my heart all this time even as I began straying down the wrong path.

Having recently heard one friend lament how hard it is to have a long distance relationship, I’m glad I’m not in one.

Having heard another friend talk about a guy who likes her, she likes him but he has a bad past… I’m glad I’m not in that situation.

Another friend is wondering if she has crossed the friendship line… been there, done that lol.

I thank you for the revelation (perhaps once again hehe) that these are my golden years.  These are the years to cherish.  Being uncomplicated-ly single is a beautiful thing.  There is a special grace on these season.

No need to consider another’s schedule or finances.  No mortgage.  No kids.

These are the years that I’ll be able to serve God in all fullness and passion.

I feel a sense of release and freedom to do all He has called me to do.

To love Him without inhibitions.

To serve Him without restraints.

To go wherever He calls me.

To give generously whatever He quickens me to give.

To be completely satisfied and content not because of earthly blessings but in Christ alone.

Help me, Lord, to treasure these golden years.

– Ames –

He loves me enough

This has been one of those trying weeks.

Emotions seriously out of whack, crying unnecessary tears of disappointment.

But in the midst of the pain and anguish, God’s shown that He does know what is best for me.

And He loves me enough to withhold from me something that I thought I wanted but was completely out of His plan.

Sometimes we place unrealistic expectations on those around us, whether it be our friends, colleagues, spouses.  We put them up on a pedestal  and we begin to link our happiness and sometimes our contentment to how they treat us or respond to us.  I know I did.

And how loving is He to care enough that each time I begin to ground my happiness on whether or not someone meets my expectations, He withholds that relationship from me.

Once I refocus and get my head on straight again, once I go to Him as my source of joy and satisfaction, it’s like He allows me to have it back again, keeping an eye on me and making sure I don’t let my own flesh get in the way of something He has gifted me.  He is after all a jealous God – when things or people start to take His place in our lives, He has the authority, power and love to take those things/people away.

You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name.  

Lord, thank you for clarity like never before.  Forgive me for abusing what you had gifted me.  Help me to value and treasure what is presently before me and respect and love those around me within the boundaries you’ve already laid out for me.  Thank you for giving me insight to your grand plans for me and thank you for your patience with me.

“Keep my commandments and live, and keep my law and teaching as the apple of your eye.  Bind them on your fingers, write them on the tablet of your heart.  Say to skilful and godly wisdom, you are my sister and regard understanding or insight as your intimate friend.” – Proverbs 7:2-4 AMP

– Ames –

P.S. Enjoying this song right now…

Impatience uncovered

Oh wow. I just realised that I have used the word “impatient” at least 7 times in the last couple of posts… *sigh*

I think that being impatient really stems from not truely believing that God’s got the best plan for our lives. We’re impatient because we want things to happen on our timeline, not knowing or understanding that whatever we have before us is there for a reason, His purposes. 

I want to repent of this. I need to repent of this.

Impatience also means, in my view, that you start striving to make something happen on your terms or timeline. That equates to stepping outside God’s will which can lead to some dangerous consequences.

So I’m resolving here and now to be patient with life. To relax and chill over things I choose not to control coz I’ve given Him reign in that area of my life.

To not get too enthusiastic about people I click with coz it might scare them away. To not put unrealistic expectations on others. To take things slowly and be at peace with all those around me. To love greatly and forgive quickly.

I’m not saying I’ll get it right all the time but this is the direction I want to travel in.

– Ames –

this waiting thing

I’m impatient.

Sometimes I wish I could just skip ahead and see how this story is meant to unfold.

But I know it’s here in this limbo “what, when, who” land that I’m having to trust God more than ever.

It’s in the unknown that our faith is tested.

No matter how long it’s gonna take, no matter how long I gotta wait, God, I surrender it again to you (seems like this is becoming a regular thing, no?).

I’m holding my heart out.  

——-

Love, where is your fire? I’ve been sitting here smoking away
Making signals with sticks and odd ends and bits,
But still there’s no sign of a flame
Imposters have been passing, offering a good-feeling glow
But I’m holding out for what you are about – an inferno that burns to the bone
Some urge me to be temperate, lukewarm will never do

[Chorus:]
‘Cause I, I wanna (know I’ll) blaze with you
So I’m holding my heart out to you
Holding my heart out

So I stand, handing out torches
Speaking words that are lamps to their feet
Til’ the time when you come and I’m whole and we are one and the fire in me is complete
Some tell me to be moderate but lukewarm will never do

[Bridge:]
Then a doubt comes to lie at the back of my mind
That I’ll offer you me and you’ll politely decline (no thank you)
So I hasten to mute it, I’ll shout and rebuke it – “away! ”

Love, Where is your fire? Brooke Fraser

– Ames –

God’s best

One of the lessons that I feel God has been impressing on my heart is that His best for me may not look like what I, my parents, my friends think is best for me.

His ways are higher than my ways afterall.

He has given me countless examples of this in my own life already.

My parents thought the best way for me to stay in private school was to get a scholarship and somehow pay the rest of the way. God closed those doors because He had a trust fund arrangement in place already.

I thought the best way for me to do my tertiary studies would be through a double degree at my preferred university. God closed the door on that because He knew I probably would have dropped law had I done it straight out of high school.

Friends, family and I thought it would be best that I get a priority job offer from the firms I’d worked in. God closed all those doors because He had a better fit in mind.

In all these and other examples, He has shown himself faithful and He’s not about to change now.

So when it comes to the area of relationships (the serious forever kind) I’m trying to keep an open mind knowing that who He has in mind, may not look like who I have in my mind. The circumstances in which I hope we will meet may not meet my expectations but what He has planned and in store will be even better than I could ever plan or fashion for myself. 

I am committing once again the pen of my love story to Him. Each time that I’ve tried to manipulate or push the friendship boundaries out of impatience (lack of trust in God really), I have fallen flat on my face lol.

God’s been gracious though each time and given me back the friendship that I’d abused and gently reminded me that it was a gift from him that I shouldn’t read anything more into at this point in time, if ever.

Not going to overthink it or assume anything.  Just gonna enjoy the journey He has me on and relax in the knowledge that He’s got this ;).

– Ames –

Revived

Last week, I rediscovered my first love again.

I thought I was just acting in obedience to go along to the conference as a leader of my girls but quite quickly I realized God created this set of circumstances so that I could be revived in His presence. He brought me there for “me”.

Sitting under the Word and finding freedom in His Spirit, it was the “tune up” I needed after 6 months of full time of work. I fell in love with my Lord Jesus again!

That break from the regular routine has also allowed me to break some of the bad habits I’d picked up in the first half of the year i.e. all I wanted to do after work was sit in front of the tv and let that be my source of relief.

In the week I had been away, not once did I have a desire to sit in front of the tv at the end of the day nor did I feel like I was missing out on a particular show. Not because I was too tired but rather my spirit had been filled so much with “nourishment” from the Father that tv shows lost their appeal. I think that is what it means to be “satisfied in the Lord”.

Having tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, I’ve made a decision to no longer watch reality tv or tv series. It’s not a standard I would necessarily impose on others, rather this is a personal decision I’ve been wanting to make for some time now but had not plugged into to the correct source of power (the Holy Spirit) to give me the strength to call it quits.

Instead of filling my head with images and storylines that neither build me up spiritual or revive me physically, I want to rekindle the gift of songwriting that has laid dormant for nearly 1 yr.

God reminded me of a song I started to write this time last year but it was never completed. Time to finish some unfinished business.  And to find refreshment in Him as I begin to exercise that gift again and lift up praises to the Lover of my soul.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

– Ames –