Internal struggle

“Therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers” – 1 Peter 4:7

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” -1 John 3:16

If I love him as a brother, I must exercise self-control and be sober minded – not be swept up in emotions; laying down my own desire for human contact and understanding. I love him by keeping away, this will prevent sin.

The thing is, he will probably never know that I am doing this, he will never know the internal struggle I am going through, let alone knowing that I am doing this for his sake. But then again, Jesus died for all humanity knowing that some will never recognise the sacrifice He made for them – but He did it anyway because of love.

I must be a good steward of the gift of singleness that God has allowed me to have during this season.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. – 2 Corinthians 9:8

I need grace for this good work, Lord.

– Ames

My rest

Today was a bit of a mixed type of day. It started out brilliantly with a productive few hours getting things sorted for the weekend and the next. The sun came out to play and it was casual clothes at work so the day seemed promising.

Then the adrenaline from the early wake up started to wear off around 11am and there was a lull in the workload as I waited for things to get corrected and back to me.

Lunch was a lovely break, strategising with like minded individuals and enjoying their good company.

Came back ready for a slow afternoon and then a call came and took 20 mins of my life leaving me feeling rattled and frustrated.

I was sent off to walk it off which helped but didn’t get to debrief afterwards as I would have liked. So I fired off a few texts to different ppl as a plead for help but timing wasn’t right; hence I was left with my iPhone music and two songs came up successively that I felt was my Daddy reaching out to me:
– Rest in You (Look to You – Hillsong)
– Anchor (Glorious Ruins – Hillsong)

He is my source of comfort. He is my peace. He is my rest.

❤️ Ames

surrendered again

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

I love those words.  Especially when sung to the old tune from my childhood.

Let your Word guide me.

I wonder at times if I’m just tormenting myself unnecessary.

Am I just being too cautious and taking things too seriously?

Am I trying too hard to stay on the right side of the fence that I lack warmth?

What happened to just enjoying the journey and learning to have fun while suspended in the air?

Please show me where the boundaries are when it comes to my thought life, speech and actions.

And please help me to stay within those boundaries out of respect for all parties involved.

Lord, I surrender it all to you once again.

– Ames


Do you ever wonder if you are playing with fire or are you in fact being tested by the fire?

I discovered something in myself recently that I really don’t like. I didn’t even know it existed or if I did, I denied its existence. But now that I know it exists, what is the best approach to take?

Is this a test of my character to see if I can battle through this emotion or is it better to remove yourself from situations where this emotion may flare up?

After typing that out, I think I know the answer.

I don’t think we’re meant to run away from trials and challenges or wish them away. He never gives us more than we can handle if we cleave to Him.

I think rather than running away, we must confront those things that are ‘not of Him’ that are still in us. By His grace, we can overcome all obstacles and through the process of refining, more of the flesh is poured out so that more of Him can be poured in.

Amen to that.

– Ames

God’s best

One of the lessons that I feel God has been impressing on my heart is that His best for me may not look like what I, my parents, my friends think is best for me.

His ways are higher than my ways afterall.

He has given me countless examples of this in my own life already.

My parents thought the best way for me to stay in private school was to get a scholarship and somehow pay the rest of the way. God closed those doors because He had a trust fund arrangement in place already.

I thought the best way for me to do my tertiary studies would be through a double degree at my preferred university. God closed the door on that because He knew I probably would have dropped law had I done it straight out of high school.

Friends, family and I thought it would be best that I get a priority job offer from the firms I’d worked in. God closed all those doors because He had a better fit in mind.

In all these and other examples, He has shown himself faithful and He’s not about to change now.

So when it comes to the area of relationships (the serious forever kind) I’m trying to keep an open mind knowing that who He has in mind, may not look like who I have in my mind. The circumstances in which I hope we will meet may not meet my expectations but what He has planned and in store will be even better than I could ever plan or fashion for myself. 

I am committing once again the pen of my love story to Him. Each time that I’ve tried to manipulate or push the friendship boundaries out of impatience (lack of trust in God really), I have fallen flat on my face lol.

God’s been gracious though each time and given me back the friendship that I’d abused and gently reminded me that it was a gift from him that I shouldn’t read anything more into at this point in time, if ever.

Not going to overthink it or assume anything.  Just gonna enjoy the journey He has me on and relax in the knowledge that He’s got this ;).

– Ames –


Last week, I rediscovered my first love again.

I thought I was just acting in obedience to go along to the conference as a leader of my girls but quite quickly I realized God created this set of circumstances so that I could be revived in His presence. He brought me there for “me”.

Sitting under the Word and finding freedom in His Spirit, it was the “tune up” I needed after 6 months of full time of work. I fell in love with my Lord Jesus again!

That break from the regular routine has also allowed me to break some of the bad habits I’d picked up in the first half of the year i.e. all I wanted to do after work was sit in front of the tv and let that be my source of relief.

In the week I had been away, not once did I have a desire to sit in front of the tv at the end of the day nor did I feel like I was missing out on a particular show. Not because I was too tired but rather my spirit had been filled so much with “nourishment” from the Father that tv shows lost their appeal. I think that is what it means to be “satisfied in the Lord”.

Having tasted and seen the goodness of the Lord, I’ve made a decision to no longer watch reality tv or tv series. It’s not a standard I would necessarily impose on others, rather this is a personal decision I’ve been wanting to make for some time now but had not plugged into to the correct source of power (the Holy Spirit) to give me the strength to call it quits.

Instead of filling my head with images and storylines that neither build me up spiritual or revive me physically, I want to rekindle the gift of songwriting that has laid dormant for nearly 1 yr.

God reminded me of a song I started to write this time last year but it was never completed. Time to finish some unfinished business.  And to find refreshment in Him as I begin to exercise that gift again and lift up praises to the Lover of my soul.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

– Ames –


Haha well, clearly this blog still some form of readership after a few excited questions following the last post.

Just for clarity, what was written was in the future tense. Words to be said one day. I’m thankful that God has shown me people of whom I can actually say the first 5 statements to right now but the last… still waiting on God for that :).

-Ames –

What I will say of you

Your love for Christ was what first attracted me.

Your servant leadership was what I admired.

Your teachable heart and humility made me at ease.

You put actions behind your convictions and stand up against injustice.

You see the world through the eyes of the Father and seek to make His Name known.

You are mine and I am yours.

– Ames –