My first assessment task for semester 2 is tomorrow… yet I find myself prancing around the house to the rhythm of ‘You Two’ (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has been on replay in our family), sneaking bites of freshly baked almond cookies (yum!) and feeling generally carefree (after some solid studying though)… I think my mind is jumping forward to the other side of the assessment where I’ll get to spend some sunshine time with my dearest BFF and then my Universe guys… simply joys :).
Yesterday actually turned out to be an off-day and by the end of it, I felt so deflated and almost in tears… I was just frustrated at my seemingly lack of ability to verbally share God’s love with those walking in darkness around me. Then a timely word during family devo from Jeremiah 29:12. I had heard of and memorised the verse before it but I never recalled reading this verse: “In those days, you will pray and I will listen.” I put my head down and just wept. Suddenly, all the pressure I’d put on myself to ‘perform’, to do, do, do for God evaporated. I was reminded that apart from Him, we can do nothing. In and of ourselves we’re powerless to live the Christian life. It’s only by His spirit in us, teaching us and working in and through us, that we’re empowered to take ground for the Kingdom. That’s probably where this amazing peace about all situations has come from.
I’m learning (once again) to celebrate the progress that has been made. I’m not where I want to be yet but thank God I’m not where I used to be (in many areas of my life). Instead of doing things out of my own strength, I’m learning to turn things out of my control over to Him and trust that He will provide all my needs.
A flashback from the past seemed to seep into my mind last week and as I thoughtlessly began to relive the hurt again, I stopped – ‘Wait, I shouldn’t be affected by this anymore’ and dismissed the thought. When it began to resurface again, I started to pray, ‘Help me forget, help me forget.’ Soon the thought diminished and all was well again. I guess there are times when I think I can handle this practice of forgiveness by myself and am humbled once again that I’m not supposed to :). The goal is to forget completely though how ‘completely’ I’m not sure. But I trust He’ll work out the limits and let me know ;).
And suddenly tomorrow’s assessment is today’s assessment.