After a semester of legal writing and overall legal concepts overload (we had Admin Law this semester – enough said), I finally have time to exercise another part of my brain. I’ve worked a lot harder this past 6 months on focusing on my studies (hopefully its paid off!) so it was almost like, once I started writing some observations, the thoughts just wouldn’t stop flowing! A healthy bit of self-analysis never hurt anyone so hence, ‘An Essay of a Different Kind’.
I refuse to go there so stop haunting my mind. These mental conversations need to stop. Right. Now.
It’s a wonder what a run-in with your past mistakes can do to your head. Just when you thought life had finally settled, it likes to throw you curve balls, doesn’t it?
I was honoured to be able to witness the coming of age of a ‘little sister’ of ours recently. Hearing of her childhood antics was both entertaining and brought to the surface the fact that so much growing up seems to have happened in just a short space of time. The word ‘best friend’ was thrown around a lot at the 21st birthday which only made me wonder if there was a connection or significance to running into someone I once called my ‘bestie’ and the fact that I spent the night (as in the party, people! No dirty thoughts!) with some of the ripple effects of our interactions. Maybe there was no connection and as per usual, I read too much into things… but then, on the other hand, God has a purpose behind everything, right? So what were you trying to show me then, God?
I know the consequences of past mistakes means that the friendship at its highest capacity cannot and SHOULD not exist anymore so let me mourn in peace. Why do you torture me, oh memories?
Another thought that conjured itself post-21-party was, ‘Who were my besties growing up?’ When I think back to primary school, I can pick out 3-4 girls whom I would go on playdates with and would do everything with. High school, however, seems to have been the time where I developed a bit of what I have termed, ‘Floater Syndrome’. I was friends with many different social groups during high school (and by ‘friends’ I mean more than just ‘hi-bye’ depth of relationship), ‘floating’ between church friends, music friends, people I shared certain interests with etc. I had the core group that I sat with every lunch time and did the whole high school thing together, but during that time and even now, I would rarely pick up the phone and call any of them just for a ‘chat’ (my dislike for phone conversations* – you can’t gauge people’s reactions! – may have also been a contributing factor that was in play). It wasn’t that I disliked them or anything, still friends with most of them right now in fact, I just never felt compelled to.
Perhaps Floater Syndrome (seriously, they should make it official and name it after me hehe!) developed as a result of my easy-going nature. I’ve never renounced a friendship once it started (well, only once and there was a good reason behind it) and not wanting to show any particular loyalties or favourisms to any one group, I ended up having many connections from a diverse pool of people but not a ‘bestie’ in the traditional use of the word (ha!). Or, an alternative approach could be (the legal mind just can’t help but jump in!) that my parents, unbeknownst to yours truly, were my best friends all those years… our communication lines have always been really open, my parentals being really conscious and deliberate about it, so maybe there was just no void that I felt I needed to fill and pursue in the form of outside friendships for emotional support and ease in conversation… *shrugs*
That changed a little bit once uni started though. My friendship with my parents stayed constant but I actually prayed specifically for someone, a fellow Christ-follower, I could just do life with and share this next leg of the journey with. And lo’ and behold, He gave me two :). Now that I think about it, He always has a way of exceeding our expectations, doesn’t He?
One friend is someone I like to affectionately call my ‘Sis’, a title she also bestows on me as well :). It’s amazing how the Lord had already paved the way for this friendship since we had done two years of high school together, yet hardly knew each other until the unfamiliar world of tertiary education brought us closer :P. She helped keep me grounded while we studied subjects that constantly challenged our faith and belief systems and we supported each other when we were going through some tough times over the years. She has been such a blessing in my life and still continues to be to this day :).
The way the other friendship started was one of those situations that I look back on and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was one of those ‘divine appointments’. She has told me before that on the day I initiated a conversation with her, she had not been in the mood to be sociable at all. Being a bit oblivious to the social cues (or perhaps continuing in spite of them), I proceeded to draw out some facts from her as we waited in line at some uni orientation thing, until we found out that I had a mutual friend in one of her cousins! Somehow, things just seem to flow on from there and our friendship just keeps getting deeper and awesome-er :P. Perhaps, it’s like what is said about wine: ‘it gets better with age’ ;).
The dynamics of both those friendships were very different but they were of equal value to me because, perhaps in a way, there were some topics I covered more in detail with one than I did the other and vica versa (still happens a bit to an extent). However, as much as I loved them both and still do, we never used the ‘B’ word to describe each other… maybe because, in spite of how close we were and how we could talk the ears off each other (coz that’s what girls do haha!), we still lived separate lives and moved in different social circles on a day-to-day basis. It wasn’t a bad thing, it was just the way it happened and so I was content with spreading the times that I had without them with the other friendship circles I was a member of – further developing my Floater Syndrome :P.
Whoa, 1120 words already? Evidently, this needs to be broken up into at least 2 parts… still a lot to ponder and muse about, so stay tuned!
By the way, I should add a disclaimer that this post (and the ones to follow) are not really the kind to get all worked up over. Take it really as just my way of making sense of the thoughts that run through my head… I find that I get really agitated if I don’t get it written down/typed out and would appreciate that whoever reads this, please don’t feel like there are subliminal messages in here or it’s a cry for help or attention… this is purely an outlet for my self-analytical tendencies, which is characteristic of my INFJ nature :P. Cheers!
*CAVEAT: If you do call me, I will pick up… generally :P. It’s just not my preferred form of communication :).