It’s hard to find the words to describe what I’m feeling right now. I thought I would have cried a lot more tonight but perhaps I’ve already cried my fill and the reality of it all has finally sunk in. It has already been alluded here before and all the people that need to know already do so I don’t feel like I need to explicit about this ‘ending of one chapter opens the beginning of the next’ thing. It had been mentally exhausting keeping the news to myself for the last month or so and when I finally sat down with a dear sister to share my burden, I broke down. Though there had been so much peace about the situation, I couldn’t keep the tears from falling. I expected her to be shocked but I underestimated the level of maturity that she had been steadily gaining over the last year… I have to say that I was quietly impressed and so thankful to have seen the progress.
As the weeks passed and I shared it with more people, the churched and the unchurched, it became clear that this really was the path that He was leading me down and there would be no turning back. There was a little hope that He might turn around and say, ‘I gotcha! I was just kidding!’ but that moment never came.
These were the people I grew up with. These were the people I’d celebrated the last 21 Easters, Christmases, Mother’s Days, Father’s Days, Moon Festivals with. These were the people I shared bellyaching laughs with and slept on the church carpets with. These were the people I’d danced with and sung with. And He asked me to leave it all behind, leave everything I’ve ever known in a church family and follow Him to an unknown destination (if you haven’t worked by now what I’m talking about… I’m worried for you). I guess now that I think about it, it sounds a bit like God’s call to Abraham in Genesis. It’s perhaps one of the biggest decisions I’ve had to make in my life so far but yet, I’ve already come out more full of joy and excitement for the things He has in store for me :).
I’ll miss them. But like we’ve said many times, this is not good bye forever, it is just ‘see you later’ ;).
– posted from iPhone