Gahhhh. I should not have had that coffee… my refusal to conform to the uni-coffee-drinking-culture has made me extra susceptible to the effects of caffeine whenever I absent-mindedly down a cappo in the arvo… there are readings that should be done but I think completing that assignment has put me in holiday mood already haha
I must admit, I’ve had it pretty good this semester… I don’t think the stress levels have risen much at all in these last 8 weeks… When I see the bags under my friends’ eyes and hear the strain in their voices, I silently thank God for His provisions of mercy and grace for me, sufficient for each day :). Lately, I seem to also have a lot more time to spend in the company of people I feel I had not really done my part in caring for in the past year… but that has been changing and I’m so thankful that our friendships haven’t suffered because my attention had been diverted elsewhere last year :).
Recently, I was asked if I had ‘moved on’ and honestly, I don’t know what constitutes moving on… I told the friend that I was definitely more optimistic about the future and didn’t really suffer from any repercussions of the past anymore… he said that probably means I have ‘moved on’ and had merely been reminiscing when I mentioned some drama from last year… that’s a good sign I guess :). I think as more time passes, that period in my life will become less significant to me and eventually it’ll just be like the drop of a stitch in the weaving of my life story… as you get older, the toys that used to fascinate you are of no value anymore… perhaps an analogy could be drawn with the relationships you have with others? There’s no desire to be in that situation again and I think that’s why I’ve resisted in having anything to do with anything or anyone that might resurface old emotions that I’ve buried away.
I think that’s why I would describe this particular time that I’m experiencing right now as ‘bliss’. I have so much peace with those I care about and with the God that loves me, that it has exceeded any emotions that I’ve ever encountered before… I know we shouldn’t live by emotions and in a way I’m not, I’m just simply enjoying life the way it was meant to be… uncomplicated and beautiful when walking in the will of God and with Him. It’s uncomplicated, not because we aren’t going through trials (we have been) but because it is clear which direction God has led us in… and it is beautiful, not because we aren’t having painful experiences (we have) but because we know that with each step we take, we’re being stripped of our old self and transformed more into the likeness of Christ… lols, sorry to get all preach-y on those who really have no idea what I’m talking about… I guess this blog is also a place where I’m working out my faith and how things fit together… a faith journey is a life journey… there’s really no end point, you just keep learning and growing until the day you leave this earth… and now I’m just rambling hahaha zzzzzz….