Home » Heart to Heart » complexity vs. simplicity

complexity vs. simplicity

I had the pleasure of the company of one of my law buddies for lunch today :).  A topic that came up in conversations was the complexity of relationships.  I concluded, with his agreement, that all relationships have a degree of complexity.  Afterall, each individual is made up of so many intricacies that when you put two uniquely different people together with their own issues and emotional baggage… it becomes complicated.  Whether or not you continue in a relationship will depend on whether you want to overcome and work through those complexities or….not.

I can see now that towards the end of my last (and first) serious relationship, I just didn’t want to deal with the complexity anymore.  I wanted a way out; I wanted to get off that emotional rollercoaster that I had not signed up to.  I guess at first I did want to unravel the complexity that was, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t my complexity to have… if that makes sense.  Right now, I’m quite content to live in simplicity, free from those kinds of complicated relations.  I think the thing that requires the most time when coming out of a serious relationship is relearning how to live independent of another individual.  Learning to not to turn to the person you were once so intimate with whenever something good or bad occurs.  It is a process (that always takes longer than you’d like it to) of detaching yourself emotionally from the one you used to share every mundane or beautiful detail of life with.  It’s learning how to be comfortable in your own company, it’s learning the beauty and enjoyment that can be found in solitude.

I’m so glad to see the evidence of my own personal growth.  I’m glad that today, as I shared with the law buddy, who’d I’d intentionally kept oblivious to all that happened in my personal life last year (contrary to how it may seem on this blog, I am quite the private person), there was no residue emotions – no anger, no bitterness, no pain…. nothing.  It has become simply a fact of life.  What happened was horrible, something no one should have to go through, but it is a thing of the past that I can’t go back and change.  BUT, I can choose to live my life in a way that doesn’t continue to be affected by the past.  I’ll take the lessons learnt from it and continue moving forward on the path that lies ahead :).

 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
      do not depend on your own understanding.
 6 Seek his will in all you do,
      and he will show you which path to take.

 – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

And so ends the easiest 448 words in the last few hours…. if only I could submit this for assessment :P.

♥ Ames

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2 thoughts on “complexity vs. simplicity

  1. That no one should have to go through? Yet millions will. And you, like those millions will be better for it, by definition, because you are always being made better for His purposes. Yeah, it sucked, but demonising that silly boy won’t help you. Don’t feel guilty- that’s useless. But that doesn’t mean shirking all blame.

    I think you missed a good opportunity to bring things out of your head and give them a grounding in reality. By that I don’t mean that what’s in your head is false, but that it will all become more relatable and tangible. I truly think that she is part of the solution to your healing. When she becomes real to you, you’ll see her for the thoughtful, caring, funny, scared, insecure, confident, fiery and complex person she is (like we all are). And you know what? You’ll love her. Eventually.

    I love you. I mean that as a verb. Becoming emotionally dependent sucks. Anger isn’t the solution. Disgust isn’t the solution. Simplicity isn’t the solution.

    Rest might be. But try not to wallow.

    I really think you should meet her. Not wanting to meet her is the clearest sign that there’s a psychological dependence. Moreso than any other sentiment you might have.

    • Yep, I don’t wish what I went through on anyone… if others can learn from my mistakes, then it’ll be for the better :). I don’t think I’ve been shirking blame or demonising that boy… I’ve just been telling it plainly from my POV :). I’ve been acknowledging my own faults and if you haven’t been able to see that well… not my problem.

      I’m sorry, but you can’t understand me anymore because of your own happiness. Most healed people are unable to re-imagine the pains they’ve been through completely, now that they’re happy and well. You remember it being horrible, but you can’t feel it anymore because your heart has been completely mended… which I’m glad for you about but it doesn’t mean I’m there yet myself.

      Don’t be silly and read into things that aren’t there… there is no anger, disgust or wallowing here.

      Not wanting to see someone you onced loved with someone else, especially when you aren’t in your own relationship is fairly standard… until it doesn’t feel like a burden and something I just have to or should do, I’m not gonna force it. When I meet her it’ll be because I want to, not because I feel obliged to so that I can prove that I’m not begrudging her… so please don’t try to tell me what I should or should not do… it’s not appreciated. Thank you.

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