tired but not burnt out… yet.

It has come up a few times this year.

Probably for the past month I’ve felt it more than ever before.

That sense of being weary and journey-worn.

I’m sure more than once I’ve mentally responded to the usual, “How are you?”, with “I’m tired.”

It’s been a big year.  More so than anticipated.

I think I underestimated how draining full-time work can be on the body, mind and soul.  I’ve only just realised that I’ve been trying to play Superwoman for most of this year and it hasn’t been a healthy outcome.  I’ve been stressed, I’ve felt like a failure when I can’t execute tasks as well as I thought I should be… so close to burning out…

BUT not yet.  And let’s hope never.

It’s time to change strategies.  Actually, it’s time to change the mind, or more importantly renew the mind.

Continue reading

single and brilliant!

Recently, a friend was praying for me and she said something like, “I find it so hard to believe that she is still single!”

I’m sure she meant nothing more than for it to be an expression of exasperation in the prayer, but the line did stay with me.

So I asked God, “So really, why is it I am still single?”

And then the reply that came back was: “There are still things that I need to work in you, out of you and through you.”

The verse that came to mind was:

 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

I know that there is a purpose for this singleness season… here are just a few things I’ve discovered lately:

So, what is it that He has got to work in me?

I think that one of the things he has been working in me is to develop a greater sense of what each of us is meant to do on this earth.. that is, to display God’s glory in all that we do.  It’s no longer about what I want, but what does He want out of my life?  What does He call me to do?  I feel a growing desire to die to self daily in order that Christ may live and display His love and grace in my life.

What has He got to work out of me?

By the grace of God, I’ve come to understand myself a lot better this year and recognise that I have many flaws lol.  I still have a lot of the ‘fear of man’ in me which often leaves me paralysed in situations where I know I should speak up against blasphemy or injustice.  He still needs to help me overcome feelings of being rejected by society because of the fact that we have a family member who has autism.  So much growth and lessons to be learnt effectively apart from another individual.

What has He got to work through me?

One of the revelations I had the other day is that, “You know what? As a single person, I’m a highly valuable asset to the Church!” I really liked this article because it highlights a sad oversight in most churches and that is in the area of encouraging those of us that are still single.  And I don’t mean encouraging them to go out there and find themselves a good Christian guy/girl to marry!  But rather that: you are not at a disadvantage at being single – that this is actually such a valuable opportunity for you to be completely and utterly devoted to Christ alone!  That you don’t have to wait until you are married or partnered up to reach your potential as a person or a follower of Christ!

I remember a conversation I had with a friend recently about how to set boundaries when it came to interacting with someone of the opposite sex.  I lamented that it would be so much easier if I was already in a relationship because then it’s like a safe guide or something. But my friend told me that it doesn’t necessarily make things easier.  You’d still have to battle through the same temptations and keep yourself accountable.  I believe her words were something along the lines of: “Just because both parties are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean that you are free from impure thoughts or actions!” That is true.

I think this is a life message of sorts: You can be single and brilliant!  It’s a message I think that needs to be heard and lived out… more to be said on the topic but these are just some of the reasons why I believe God has me single right now – and I’m going to embrace this season for all it’s worth!

– Ames

P.S. This is not a put down of marriage – I still want to get married one day! – this is just a start to regaining an appreciation for the season of singleness!

Internal struggle

“Therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers” – 1 Peter 4:7

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” -1 John 3:16

If I love him as a brother, I must exercise self-control and be sober minded – not be swept up in emotions; laying down my own desire for human contact and understanding. I love him by keeping away, this will prevent sin.

The thing is, he will probably never know that I am doing this, he will never know the internal struggle I am going through, let alone knowing that I am doing this for his sake. But then again, Jesus died for all humanity knowing that some will never recognise the sacrifice He made for them – but He did it anyway because of love.

I must be a good steward of the gift of singleness that God has allowed me to have during this season.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. – 2 Corinthians 9:8

I need grace for this good work, Lord.

– Ames

My rest

Today was a bit of a mixed type of day. It started out brilliantly with a productive few hours getting things sorted for the weekend and the next. The sun came out to play and it was casual clothes at work so the day seemed promising.

Then the adrenaline from the early wake up started to wear off around 11am and there was a lull in the workload as I waited for things to get corrected and back to me.

Lunch was a lovely break, strategising with like minded individuals and enjoying their good company.

Came back ready for a slow afternoon and then a call came and took 20 mins of my life leaving me feeling rattled and frustrated.

I was sent off to walk it off which helped but didn’t get to debrief afterwards as I would have liked. So I fired off a few texts to different ppl as a plead for help but timing wasn’t right; hence I was left with my iPhone music and two songs came up successively that I felt was my Daddy reaching out to me:
– Rest in You (Look to You – Hillsong)
– Anchor (Glorious Ruins – Hillsong)

He is my source of comfort. He is my peace. He is my rest.

❤️ Ames

surrendered again

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

I love those words.  Especially when sung to the old tune from my childhood.

Let your Word guide me.

I wonder at times if I’m just tormenting myself unnecessary.

Am I just being too cautious and taking things too seriously?

Am I trying too hard to stay on the right side of the fence that I lack warmth?

What happened to just enjoying the journey and learning to have fun while suspended in the air?

Please show me where the boundaries are when it comes to my thought life, speech and actions.

And please help me to stay within those boundaries out of respect for all parties involved.

Lord, I surrender it all to you once again.

– Ames

Fire

Do you ever wonder if you are playing with fire or are you in fact being tested by the fire?

I discovered something in myself recently that I really don’t like. I didn’t even know it existed or if I did, I denied its existence. But now that I know it exists, what is the best approach to take?

Is this a test of my character to see if I can battle through this emotion or is it better to remove yourself from situations where this emotion may flare up?

After typing that out, I think I know the answer.

I don’t think we’re meant to run away from trials and challenges or wish them away. He never gives us more than we can handle if we cleave to Him.

I think rather than running away, we must confront those things that are ‘not of Him’ that are still in us. By His grace, we can overcome all obstacles and through the process of refining, more of the flesh is poured out so that more of Him can be poured in.

Amen to that.

– Ames